All Apologies

When I lived in California, I exercised at least three times a week. I’d ride my bike a few miles to a coffee shop near Balboa Park and then run three miles and then bike back home. I even got certified as a fitness specialist. Then I moved across the country where I’m sure some depression along with an aversion for the hot , hot heat of summer and the cold, cold, cold of winter stopped me in my tracks. Not to mention that I have allergies, which I somehow forgot I had,
that got rejuvenated by the climate… Why I’m living in one of the top 5 worst places to live for allergies I don’t know. Needless to say, between climate, pregnancies and lack of motivation I haven’t exercised regularly in 4yrs. Thank God for a high metabolism, because I also live in one of the unhealthiest states in the country.
All of this is leading to the fact that my boys start swim class this weekend and it sent me into a flurry of swimsuit anxiety. I have a decent swimsuit designed to disguise the belly behind a blur of polka dots but I will still have to put my skinny-fat butt into it and bare my arms. Ugh. I had a brief moment last night while trying on said swimsuit of wondering if I could squeeze 3yrs of exercise into 15 minutes. 😞 Alas, I will have no way out of facing the fact that I have taken poor care of the body these last few years.
When I moved here I was 37 and looked about 30-31 max. Now, I’ve somehow aged 10 years and feel like I look 45 and I’m not even there yet. So here goes my public apology to my body.
“Dearest body, you have put up with my poor eating habits and abuse with nary a whisper or a cry. You didn’t punish me for the years of depression and misery and moments of non-exercise by blowing up or breaking down and I took you for granted. Now you are showing me what will happen if I continue to ignore your need for movement and better care. I hear you. My flabby butt hears you as we’ll as my mini bat wings, dry skin and limp hair. I will do right by you. I’m sorry. I am sorry. I’ve already started to actually wash my face instead regularly relying on facial cleansing wipes and I’ve been trying to moisturize my hands after each washing. It’s a small start but we can do this together. We can. Starting here. Starting now. Well, starting after I change this poopy diaper…”