Monthly Archives: March 2012

changes

Standard

How anyone with small children gets anything done is beyond me. It has been fabulous having Baby B enter our little family of three. We have been seriously sleep deprived though, and today was the first day that I spent on my own with the boys. The Mr had to go back to work and I know that Baby J misses his buddy. The Mr was great about taking him outside to play and for walks and things that I have not been up to do. Knowing that this transition is hard for little J, I have resolved to create a more structured day for him. Even though he is just shy of 16 months, we bought flash cards and a new game to help him learn colors and numbers while playing “Peek-a-boo”. I’d like to have different stations set up around the house…

The above is as far as I got a week ago and here I am trying to finish this post. I am so tired right now. I attempted to go to a Mommy and Me group today. After getting myself and Baby J fed and nursing Baby B and changing diapers and getting us all dressed, we made it into the car. We were already running 10 min late. I am still not sure if Baby J was not feeling well or if he was just super tired (the group meeting was at 10am), but shortly after we took off, he started crying inconsolably. I tried to get to the bottom of it, but he just cried and cried. I finally decided to forget about going to the meeting, since we were going to be half hour late. Plus, any excuse I can find to not meet new people… I do want to go though, so I emailed one of the group leaders and explained what happened. Hopefully, I will get another invite this week. Baby J needs the stimulation.

The tandem nursing is getting better. I am feeling a bit less frustrated and overwhelmed. Setting limits with Baby J is getting easier, although he is still not excited about being a big brother.  Hell, I can’t focus right now. I am catching up on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and I can’t wait until tonight to see “Bethanny Ever After”. So sad that I use my precious little quite time for this, but… Can I just say that Sweetie would be fired so fast. That is just crazy, having an assistant that doesn’t do any real work. It never pays to get too comfortable at any job, unless you work for yourself, and even then. With “Bethanny Ever After” there are so many parallels that I can’t help but watch. She got married and had a baby within a short space of time and so did I. She went from a place of financial instability to one of greater security and so did I. We are both older mom’s and strong personalities adjusting to married life and mommyhood. All that’s missing for me is the greater wealth that she has and her crazy work drive. I realized the other day that I have become a rather boring person. Staying home with the boys is a dream come true and I wouldn’t want it any other way, but I have lost myself. Being a mom didn’t do it, though. I somehow allowed some things to change and made some sacrifices that are now biting me in the butt.

Let me let this marinate while I watch my shows. Man, oh man.

Advertisements

baby, oh, baby

Standard

Finally, Baby B is here. He arrived on Wednesday nite at almost nine P.M.. I must say that I have never been so busy in my whole life. My 15 month old has vacillated between ignoring the baby and being fascinated with him. He nursed through my whole pregnancy but the frequency had diminished to only nap and bed times with a supplemental bottle or two. Now, he wants to nurse all the time, especially when he sees Baby B nursing. I am having to weigh my initial desire to have him self wean with my own feelings of being slightly overwhelmed. Since Baby J is almost a toddler, his intake is large and it’s hard having a baby attached to your person for most of the day (this is what it feels like, anyway). I did some more research on tandem nursing, which is what I’m doing, and feel better knowing that other mom’s have struggled with this issue. If I am unable to keep nursing Baby J, I think I will be able to go easy on myself and not beat myself up over it. Anyway, it is amazing to have the newest addition to our family on the outside of me. He is such a cutie and so tiny. Well, compared to Baby J, he seems that way. (I was not saying that during my delivery. Baby B was 8 lbs 14 oz, larger than Baby J’s birth weight of 7 lbs 15 oz.)

The Mr has taken time off to help me and it’s been a blessing and a curse. We are both so frazzled and I am so cranky that we are constantly snapping at each other. I know there are things I could be doing to maybe help us feel more connected, but it’s hard juggling everything. I was watching “Bethany Ever After” and there’s a scene where she’s having lunch with a friend and they talk about having to learn how to be a wife. I think that’s true for me. I got to spend a lot of time being selfish and not having to take another adults feelings into consideration and old habits die hard. Plus, I am very much an introvert, so I like alone time which doesn’t really happen when you have kids. Me time away from the house isn’t something I’ve done since living here because I don’t have friends I want to see or anyplace I really want to go. My goal this week is to finish my vision board so that I can gain some clarity and come up with some workable solutions to my life. Gotta remind myself “I am responsible for the energy I release”.

I’m going to savor my last few moments of quiet as my boys sleep and catch up on HGTv and Pinterest while sipping my cup of coffee. Mmmmmmm….