Tag Archives: mommy

Finding the Light

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When I started this blog in 2012, I thought that the title “my way back to you” was leading me to California and the friendships and family that I missed. Since the beginning, I have had two more kids and now have a family of 5 (my sons, 2 & 3, and a daughter, 5months old). I took a break from writing because I was exhausted and pregnant and then I was just exhausted from trying to get used to tending to 3 little ones 24/7, as well as my husband.
Recently, I’ve been itching to write again, but I didn’t know where to begin. That’s when it occurred to me that what I have been wanting to get back to is myself so that I can get back to the other people that I care about. So, this is the new direction of this blog. I’ve been dealing with accepting that there are some new physical limits that come with being an older mom and the importance of being physically active so that I can age with grace and not just have aging happen to me. I want there to be peace within me with having changes happen due to pregnancy and I want there to be peace within me with having changes happen due to aging. And I don’t want to just sit on my ass and let my physical health slide away just because finding the time and energy to exercise is hard and it hurts a thousand times now than it did 5 years ago before I had kids and was pre-40’s. So there it is and here we go.

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Easter and beyond…

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Easter morning came and we overslept. The plan was to go to church at 9 and the time was 8:15. Needless to say, we ended up going at 10 for Sunday school. This was the second time that we’ve ventured to any church since having kids so just making it out the door was a real accomplishment. Plus, by going last week we saved ourselves from being the “only on holidays” family. The Mr was raised catholic and I was raised baptist but both of us have, in my mind, vastly expanded our idea of religion and church so we struggled to find a place where we both felt like it could work for us. This blog isn’t going to be about religion but is like to just say that I consider myself a spiritual person and not a religious person. We wanted to go to church so our kids have a foundation of belief to spring forth into the world. I hope they will seek their own truth and question, question, question. Anyway, the day was full of service, then family visits (plural). Before moving back across the country, I had the, dare I call it luxury, of doing nothing on the holidays but meet up with friends for brunch. I do miss that freedom from feeling obligated to drive an hour or so to hang out with the parentals and other family, but I am grateful to have both sets of grandparents alive and able to enjoy our kids. Plus, I didn’t have to cook a single thing. One downer was that no one served any type of caffeinated beverage. WTH? Don’t they know moms of toddlers need caffeine like oxygen? I was soooo sleepy.
Today was a nice day except for the old lady at Costco who asked if I was mom or grandma 😐. Obviously, I need to start taking care of myself again. Since moving cross country, I think I’ve been in a slow decline into a mild depression. I’ve been mourning my move for too long. It’s taken this long, 4yrs, to accept that I chose to move closer to my immediate family and leave the family of friends that I feel the universe picked for me. And the weather! Don’t get me started. I miss SoCal weather. There’s not much like it and we had snow last week here even though it’s spring. Back to taking care of myself. After moving here, I somehow gained 10lbs and then gained more when I got pregnant and then pregnant again. I can not pretend that I was ever overweight. I just weighed more than I ever did in my life. So, add all of that together and that equalled no stylish wardrobe because I didn’t want to buy a ton of clothes in case I lost the weight and then I didn’t want to spend a ton on maternity clothes that I wouldn’t wear for long. Now that my youngest is one, I am back to my pre-move weight but find that my earlier style is not right for where I live and how I live as a mom now. And no, I didn’t dress in skimpy clothes, but it was a younger state of being. My goal this week is to figure out what to do with my fine, limp post-preggo and previously fab hair and work on my skin. I also, hope to start walking again if the weather improves. We. Shall. See.