Tag Archives: life

Finding the Light

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When I started this blog in 2012, I thought that the title “my way back to you” was leading me to California and the friendships and family that I missed. Since the beginning, I have had two more kids and now have a family of 5 (my sons, 2 & 3, and a daughter, 5months old). I took a break from writing because I was exhausted and pregnant and then I was just exhausted from trying to get used to tending to 3 little ones 24/7, as well as my husband.
Recently, I’ve been itching to write again, but I didn’t know where to begin. That’s when it occurred to me that what I have been wanting to get back to is myself so that I can get back to the other people that I care about. So, this is the new direction of this blog. I’ve been dealing with accepting that there are some new physical limits that come with being an older mom and the importance of being physically active so that I can age with grace and not just have aging happen to me. I want there to be peace within me with having changes happen due to pregnancy and I want there to be peace within me with having changes happen due to aging. And I don’t want to just sit on my ass and let my physical health slide away just because finding the time and energy to exercise is hard and it hurts a thousand times now than it did 5 years ago before I had kids and was pre-40’s. So there it is and here we go.

Veggie Nuggets, Damn It

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Obviously, I am having a hard time staying on course with daily writing. I’ve been struggling with crazy, bad allergies and trying to find ways to mitigate it. The swim lesson over the weekend went off with nary a hitch. There were no wardrobe malfunctions and, as is usually the case with us, it was so crazy just getting us all dressed ad there that I didn’t have time to fret about my body. I do have to mention that I am constantly amazed at my bosoms ability to inflate and deflate to the point that I’m never sure which size I’m going to be confronted with on any given day. Saturday, my swimsuit was more busty than I was, which created a gap that pleased my ever nursing 13m old. In the frenzy to load the boys, the Mr forgot to grab their change of clothes that I’d laid out the night before. Madness. That’s all I’ll say about that.
I’ve been taking the easy route with meal times but I did attempt to make a recipe for veggie nuggets from “Weelicious”. Things went ok until I realized that the recipe called for an hour to hour n a half stint in the freezer and I’d planned on serving them straight away. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done that, not read a recipe through and missed some vital piece of info thus throwing me into a frenzy to get it all together. Anyway and luckily, we had left over mac-n-cheese in the fridge so I threw that together with some organic hot dogs. Here are some photos from my veggie nugget quest:

There were also some mashed potatoes as part of the recipe.

I got this far and placed it in the freezer for an hour. They seemed to thaw rather quickly for how much there was to dip in the egg, flour and breadcrumbs so I got frustrated and lazy and gave up on cutting it all up. In the end, I smeared the flour, whisked eggs and then the breadcrumbs on top and shoved it all in the freezer. I made it today by baking it and then broiling it because I wanted it to be crispy or just less mushy. That would have been ok had I not gotten distracted by my 13m old needing a nap and me forgetting I had put it in the oven and then forgetting to tell the Mr… Though you would think the smell of something burning would have alerted him to check the oven, right? Anyway, here is the final product.

It actually tasted good to me, so I would attempt this again with better planning. ­čśä

I’m off to bed so more later. G’nite.

Aside

It so so hard for me to decide between posting and taking a nap sometimes, it’s not even funny. I am due in 5 weeks so whenever my 14 month old naps I just want to hunker down with him. A lot of the times I do, but I couldn’t sleep. Of course, now I hear him rousing which means I much pause here and come back…

So, the Mr. is home and I have sneaked off to try to jot a few things. I’m sure the title of this blog seems confusing since I have not mentioned much about who the “you” is or where I’m trying to get back to. Let me say this. I have had what has felt like an exceedingly long, painful life journey that midway landed me in California. There is where I found myself. ┬áPart of the mission of this blog will be to get comfortable writing again so that I can explore what I’ve been through without feeling bad about having to include some people dear to me in the telling. I want this blog to be about my journey. Me. Not the Mr. or our baby or unborn son. As such, I won’t be posting pics of them or going on and on about them (if I can help it) out of respect for their own personal journeys. I think it’ll be a little tricky, but I have to try. Since moving across the country, I have struggled with redefining who I see myself as. Prior to three years ago, I was a single, 30-something who spent my free time hanging out with my friends and playing pool at our local bars and trying to see live bands play. I had an awesome circle of friends, whom I love dearly, and whom I consider family. I was in school trying to get my B.A. in English and worked a couple of part-time jobs that were not the most reliable. Finances were tough. The thing is, I knew who I was and how I fit in. I love California. I miss running several times a week and seeing the ocean whenever I feel like it. I miss the food and the atmosphere, if that makes any sense. I miss my peeps.

Since then, I came to Ky and connected with a boy I went to high school with. We got married and had a son and are now expecting another. I never thought I’d be staying here. I came because my parents are heading into their 80’s and I was feeling nostalgic (as I had every 6-7 years I was away). But, I thought I’d see them, they’d drive me bananas like they always have, and I’d head back to Cali. I didn’t see the boy coming. In any event, I have had to make some changes. Ky is not California. It is much more conservative than I have ever been. I did want a partner who had traditional values and a strong sense of family. I was tired of all the guys I met in California with Peter Pan syndrome. I just…I guess I just thought that I’d go on with the wanting of it all and didn’t envision the receiving of it. Now, here I sit. I am a mother. I am a wife. I live in a state that I do not love. I can’t stand the weather. I miss my friends. Hence the decision to begin writing again to find a way back to something dear and near to my heart. Just so you know, the Mr. is actually (thankfully) open to the notion of this cross-country move but it’s not something we can do lightly. All of our siblings and their offspring are here as are our parents. Time will tell. Anyway, I’ve gushed enough for today.

Seeking

hmph!!!

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So I watched Anderson Cooper today which was about a recent study that found that working mothers were happier than┬ámoms who stay home. Unfortunately, it devolved into the common “one is better than the other; one is greater/less than the other” discussions. Anyway, I decided to put my two cents in and here is my comment on the website for the show:

One thing that bothered me about the show is the seeming need the ladies have to cast judgement upon each other. I think everyone is doing what they feel works best for themselves and their families. As a SAH mom, I can understand the notion that women who work may feel happier because they are already used to taking time away from their kids to even get to work and get the kind of social and mental interaction that’s harder when you aren’t working. That said, I didn’t have my son until I was 39 and I am due to have another one in a few weeks. I’m 40 now. I worked and had tons of life experience prior to settling down the last couple of years and so don’t feel as much of a loss as I might had I had children sooner. My husband & I don’t want anyone else to raise our kids and that’s a personal choice. It’s what works for our family. It doesn’t hurt that we can afford to do this without sacrificing the type of quality of life that we want but we’d have found a way to do this regardless. The flip side is that I have tons of family and friends who either have to work or choose to. Happiness sometimes takes effort whether you work outside of the home or not. It shouldn’t be about judging or comparing. As a society, we need to be more supportive and respectful of other people’s choices for their lives. Especially as women. With all that is going on in the world around us, wouldn’t it be more beneficial if we looked to find ways to uplift each other and help create the kind of world environment that we want our kids to inherit rather than continue to look for ways to divide and create exactly what we are seeking to avoid? We are all in this together whether we want to be or not. Our kids are the future. If we can’t find ways to connect then the loneliness and sorrow that seems to abound for young people these days will only continue to grow as we model for them that it’s ok to sit back and point fingers & be divisive without understanding or compassion. The world humbles all of us. All. Of . Us.

As parents, we all make sacrifices. Hell, as people, we all make sacrifices in order to get through our days. Sometimes we make tough choices and, at the end of the day, we must live with the results that come from those choices. The vitality I felt as a woman prior to having kids and being out in the working world is different from the vitality I have/seek to have now. We must all find ways to balance who we are with what we do. Sometimes it’s easier than others, but I refuse to be defined by what other people think my life should or shouldn’t be, by who/whom other people think I ought to be. This is my journey, as everyone is the owner of their own personal journeys. No keys to my car for you. G’nite.