All Apologies


When I lived in California, I exercised at least three times a week. I’d ride my bike a few miles to a coffee shop near Balboa Park and then run three miles and then bike back home. I even got certified as a fitness specialist. Then I moved across the country where I’m sure some depression along with an aversion for the hot , hot heat of summer and the cold, cold, cold of winter stopped me in my tracks. Not to mention that I have allergies, which I somehow forgot I had,
that got rejuvenated by the climate… Why I’m living in one of the top 5 worst places to live for allergies I don’t know. Needless to say, between climate, pregnancies and lack of motivation I haven’t exercised regularly in 4yrs. Thank God for a high metabolism, because I also live in one of the unhealthiest states in the country.
All of this is leading to the fact that my boys start swim class this weekend and it sent me into a flurry of swimsuit anxiety. I have a decent swimsuit designed to disguise the belly behind a blur of polka dots but I will still have to put my skinny-fat butt into it and bare my arms. Ugh. I had a brief moment last night while trying on said swimsuit of wondering if I could squeeze 3yrs of exercise into 15 minutes. 😞 Alas, I will have no way out of facing the fact that I have taken poor care of the body these last few years.
When I moved here I was 37 and looked about 30-31 max. Now, I’ve somehow aged 10 years and feel like I look 45 and I’m not even there yet. So here goes my public apology to my body.
“Dearest body, you have put up with my poor eating habits and abuse with nary a whisper or a cry. You didn’t punish me for the years of depression and misery and moments of non-exercise by blowing up or breaking down and I took you for granted. Now you are showing me what will happen if I continue to ignore your need for movement and better care. I hear you. My flabby butt hears you as we’ll as my mini bat wings, dry skin and limp hair. I will do right by you. I’m sorry. I am sorry. I’ve already started to actually wash my face instead regularly relying on facial cleansing wipes and I’ve been trying to moisturize my hands after each washing. It’s a small start but we can do this together. We can. Starting here. Starting now. Well, starting after I change this poopy diaper…”




Today, as I ran to the grocery store to pick up a few things we’d run our of, I had an epiphany. I don’t feel like making my own coffee creamer. The organic recipe is fine if you like your coffee less sweet, but I am not that person. It was yucky. Ok, not totally yucky, but still. No likey until I added a ton of sugar and at that point it just makes you feel bad about what you’ve made that’s now being taken down by all of that sweetener. So it’s back to store bought creamer for me, for now, so I can sip my coffee in happy ignorance as to how much sugar I’m consuming in each cup full. Nite all.

‘Nilla Creamer


The fun never stops. I have been super cranky the last two days so when I woke up and discovered that, not only did I NOT have coffee creamer, I didn’t have the ingredients I needed to make the recipe I’d found, I was mad. Like “I feel like crying” mad, not “I want to claw someone’s eyes out for using all of the maple syrup even though I told you it’s expensive and sweeter so one is supposed to use less” mad. I went ahead and made breakfast for the kiddos and then bundled us all up still in our pj’s and drove through the Starbucks drive thru. Thank God there is one five minutes away. After that we had a pretty good day. The weather was nice again so we hung out outdoors. I made mac-n-cheese bake for dinner then whipped up this yummy sounding home made vanilla creamer I found on this site called [Deliciously Organic]( Why do I torture myself this way. I’m supposed to be seeking ways to save time…

Anyway, I can hardly wait until tomorrow morning to try it out. I made the vanilla bean one. I was prompted to do so because I’d bought the generic organic one from Whole Paycheck (foods). I didn’t read the ingredients until it was time to recycle the bottle and I thought “WTH”? I thought it would list just four or five ingredients but it had more.

After that, I said to myself “Self, we can do better than that. Let’s keep it simple”. So, I decided to make my own organic, homemade creamer. And, voila! Here it is.

May I also add that I am not one of those people who just happen to have a stash of mason jars hanging around the house in case I make something (though it’s looking like I need to become one of those people). I had to search high and low and, fortunately, I had this jar full of baby bottle nipples and caps. Now I’ll have to find those things a new home but desperate times people, desperate times.



I wanted to mention that the recipe I used was for mini taco bowls. My bowls were not folded as well as the ones in the photo on….shit. The app is for Big Fork Little Fork. My apologies. This is my ADD brain and bad memory. I can remember the most random things very well but names… I feel awful. Ok. Let me shake it off. The recipes and apps I’ve been using are from Big Fork Little Fork and the Weelicious cookbook, which I love. The ranch dressing came out awesome. My food masochism wouldn’t allow me to buy ranch dressing and I’m glad, in this case. Maybe it’s my subconscious way of acting like I still have all the time in the world to cook, though this behavior didn’t occur until post-babies. Go figure.
Today we are having Big Fork Spaghetti by Marcus Samuelsson. Should be good. Here’s what we’re using:

More on how this goes later πŸ˜ƒ.

Spring Days


Did I fall off the writing wagon again? Oui. I did. I made that yummy dinner with homemade ranch from “Weelicious ” and the rest from the Bigforklittlespoon app and then it all went down hill. I don’t know who these moms are who have time to blog and make wonderful meals and do DIY projects and clean their homes and manage relationships… It’s enough for me to get regular meals into my belly while tending to my 27m old and 13m old. I’m lucky if I get to sit for 20min just reading a magazine or catching up on the shows I record on DVR.
That said, it was a nice full weekend. We drove a total of 4hrs to go to a family bday party (always great with kids this age. Not). Fortunately, they slept on the way down and I hauled ass to get home with just the beginnings of a meltdown occurring 5min from our house. I also got to take a nap with the boys on Sunday because I was able to get them to go down at the same time. The weather was nice and we rounded the weekend out with an afternoon at the park with my brothers 3 kids. Good times. Don’t let my whining fool you. I love, love, love staying home with my kids and I love being a mom and wife. It just consumes a lot of energy with little to spare for self or other things unless you are better at time management than I am. Everyone has to find their own rhythm and mine just happens to be a little frenetic. Gotta run before the kiddos get up so we can get groceries but here’s looking at Spring πŸ˜„β—