What I am learning now

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Yep, it’s been a while. I rarely feel like writing when the boys are sleeping because I am TIRED. But, I have been watching Oprah’s Lifeclass. Man, I have missed my Oprah therapist. I’ve also missed Iyanla Vanzant. I used to read her books way back in the day. So what did I learn? I learned, one, that I am addicted to my story, and two, I need to have a clearer vision of what I want moving forward so I can ask and work towards it. I have been addicted to my story of not deserving the life I have come to have and, paradoxically, feeling that I deserve more.  My way back is not just about getting to a place on the map. It’s about getting back to a place within me. My “AHA” moment came at the end of the first class when Oprah and Iyanla were speaking to a woman who said that she felt cheated as a mom. She had prayed and prayed and prayed to become a mom and when it happened, her son was born autistic. She felt cheated. Iyanla asked her what was she angry about? She got what she wanted. She was just angry because it didn’t look the way she thought it was going to look. We need to ask for what we want, first knowing what we want. That really resonated with me, because I have been angry with myself for not thinking about the ramifications of leaving a place that I had come to love. But, I thought about it and the truth of the matter is that everything that I had on my vision board, I got. I wanted a partner with integrity and whom loved me. I wanted a family, whatever that looked like. I wanted a house with nature and to be able to travel and to be financially stable and successful. These things I got. I’ve just been bent because it’s not where I wanted, or thought it would be. The thing is, I never thought to ask for that. I assumed. My bad. Not a bad start for this weeks therapy. Thanks Oprah. I am watching the second class so I will talk/write more as I learn more.

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