the wait goes on

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By all rights I should be napping with Baby J right now, but I know that the second I fall asleep his nap will be over and I’ll be even more tired. I am due in one week and 5 days and just had my weekly appointment. I am only 3cm dilated and it doesn’t seem like labor is imminent. Bummer. We are expecting a storm so the hope is that the low pressure front moving in will help speed things up. Fingers and toes crossed.

Of the newest developments I suppose I want to mention that the Mr and I have been discussing moving across the country to California. I don’t know if I’m feeling like it’s a test, but I have not been able to jump on the wagon and say yes. I want to, boy do I want to. He has mentioned it several times in the last week or so and I keep saying that I just want to make sure that it’s the right time for us to do something like that. Today he asked me what I’m afraid of. That is a very good question. What am I afraid of? Why am I hesitating? I have been thinking about these things since he asked me that this morning. I guess my fears are:

1) he (the Mr) won’t be happy there because he’ll miss his family here.

2) it’ll put increased financial pressure on him to provide for our family with the increased cost of living.

3) I will be eaten up with the guilt of moving our kids away from both sets of grandparents and our siblings.

4) his family will resent me for taking their normally predictable son away from them.

5) I won’t be much happier.

6) money, money, money.

That’s what I’ve come up with thus far and I can’t think much deeper because I am foggy with fatigue. I am going to let my thoughts marinate a bit and come back to them.

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