I have always had this thing for Gabby Reece. Years before clothing manufacturers began making bottoms for tall women, I discovered Gabby. She was still playing volleyball and I admired the fact that she was a tall female and an athlete to boot. I am not as tall as she is. I’m only 5’11” and she is 6’3″ and I love it. Growing up, there were not that many tall girls around and the boys…forget about it. Tall boys usually like short girls. Ask any tall female (and to me, anything over 5’9″ is tall in a girl) and she will confirm this. I didn’t date anyone my height or taller until I was 30. But, I digress. I went to her website http://www.gabbyreece360.com/ and stumbled across a blog post she’d recently written titled “Make Yourself Happy”. It really resonated with me, because that is what I am trying to do. Years of life and therapy has taught me that no one else is going to make me happy. And they’ve also taught me not to take things personally, although reading “The Four Agreements” really helped a lot with that one. That said, I still struggle with finding that balance, or rather, I struggle with being happy where I live.
I struggle and I struggle and I struggle. I want to be out in the sunshine, walking my son along the beach, having hot cocoa and choco cream pie with my friends. I look at my husband and see him struggle with allergies and realize that my dad, who has always had a cough, probably suffers from the same allergies. And I wonder, how is it better living some place that makes you sick? I miss the summers without mosquitoes and humidity and the winters that are sunny and mild. I miss sleeping through the night not having to hear any thunderstorms sans the random, occasional one that might blow in. I miss the produce. Probably more than anything, I just miss being able to live outdoors year round. Here, I have been mostly house bound because I can’t bear the cold, cold and the moist heat. Yes, this all sounds like whining. I hate that. I hate that. So, I am trying to make peace in my mind. As Gabby succinctly put it, I must make myself happy. Everyday is a new day. I will not let this defeat me. I will not succumb to a life of wallowing and whining. I will be the kind of mom my kids deserve and give them the kind of life and environment they deserve. I will own the energy that I am putting out into the universe.