so sleepy

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Ever feel so tired that it feels like you are moving underwater??? That’s where I’m at right now. But, I am trying to remain true to my promise to write daily. I’ve been thinking about a lot of different things. First, it’s always nice to know that other people can relate to what one is going through. It’s one of the reasons that I think Oprah has always been so popular. She tapped into our need to feel heard and supported and connected. With moving to a new state, I have given up the more tangible feeling of support (although my husband is super supportive, it’s just different) for a long distance type of support. I have not established any real type of support system here and it’s been a few years. Thankfully, I have done a pretty good job of remaining connected to the support I left behind. Still…

And I am not whining about it. Really. I am terribly blessed to have the life that I do have. I am so grateful I can’t even verbalize it. This doesn’t take away from my very real desire to not lose myself. I don’t want to wake up years from now resentful at anyone, myself included, for not taking care of the part of my soul that moves me outside of family. I was reading this article about crying it out from the Psychology Today website and it really resonated with me. Especially what I took as the social commentary about our desire to have kids but yet “take back our lives”. It’s something that I have heard time and time again. I liked how the article spoke a little about the history of family life as we know it and before. That’s not my goal when I speak of holding onto myself. The Mr. is very into anthropology and we tend to approach child rearing in a way that we feel is closer to nature. We ask find ourselves asking “if we were in the wild, would we be doing x” or “if we were in the wild, what would we be doing with our son”. As I’ve said before, everyone must decide what works for themselves and their families. I know that my kids won’t be little forever, so I am eating up every second I get to spend with them. I just want to find ways to take better care of myself, rekindle my creativity, and find a way to give back to the world in a way that is meaningful.

I think I am rambling and losing my train of thought so I am ending here. Happy Friday 🙂

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2 responses »

  1. There is a huge payoff when you put your child’s needs first when they are young. They depend on you 100% for everything. They deserve your 100%. As they grow, they slowly become less dependent on you. They start to play more independently. They start to brush their teeth on there own. They have play dates. They start Kindergarten. So now they rely on you maybe 70% of the time. That means you have 30% of YOU back. A parent slowly begins to get their life back as the child grows. You will find a balance between raising your kids and getting back to being you. It’s hard, I know, but so worth the wait. Just my two cents.

    • I totally agree. I don’t feel a burning sense of loss over not having “me time” but I think the feeling of loss is more connected to having moved so far away from everything familiar. Even if I didn’t have much personal time, it might have been nice to still get coffee at the same places or frequent the same book stores or drive by the beaches doing my errands….it’s more that type of stuff than anything else.

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