Aside

It so so hard for me to decide between posting and taking a nap sometimes, it’s not even funny. I am due in 5 weeks so whenever my 14 month old naps I just want to hunker down with him. A lot of the times I do, but I couldn’t sleep. Of course, now I hear him rousing which means I much pause here and come back…

So, the Mr. is home and I have sneaked off to try to jot a few things. I’m sure the title of this blog seems confusing since I have not mentioned much about who the “you” is or where I’m trying to get back to. Let me say this. I have had what has felt like an exceedingly long, painful life journey that midway landed me in California. There is where I found myself.  Part of the mission of this blog will be to get comfortable writing again so that I can explore what I’ve been through without feeling bad about having to include some people dear to me in the telling. I want this blog to be about my journey. Me. Not the Mr. or our baby or unborn son. As such, I won’t be posting pics of them or going on and on about them (if I can help it) out of respect for their own personal journeys. I think it’ll be a little tricky, but I have to try. Since moving across the country, I have struggled with redefining who I see myself as. Prior to three years ago, I was a single, 30-something who spent my free time hanging out with my friends and playing pool at our local bars and trying to see live bands play. I had an awesome circle of friends, whom I love dearly, and whom I consider family. I was in school trying to get my B.A. in English and worked a couple of part-time jobs that were not the most reliable. Finances were tough. The thing is, I knew who I was and how I fit in. I love California. I miss running several times a week and seeing the ocean whenever I feel like it. I miss the food and the atmosphere, if that makes any sense. I miss my peeps.

Since then, I came to Ky and connected with a boy I went to high school with. We got married and had a son and are now expecting another. I never thought I’d be staying here. I came because my parents are heading into their 80’s and I was feeling nostalgic (as I had every 6-7 years I was away). But, I thought I’d see them, they’d drive me bananas like they always have, and I’d head back to Cali. I didn’t see the boy coming. In any event, I have had to make some changes. Ky is not California. It is much more conservative than I have ever been. I did want a partner who had traditional values and a strong sense of family. I was tired of all the guys I met in California with Peter Pan syndrome. I just…I guess I just thought that I’d go on with the wanting of it all and didn’t envision the receiving of it. Now, here I sit. I am a mother. I am a wife. I live in a state that I do not love. I can’t stand the weather. I miss my friends. Hence the decision to begin writing again to find a way back to something dear and near to my heart. Just so you know, the Mr. is actually (thankfully) open to the notion of this cross-country move but it’s not something we can do lightly. All of our siblings and their offspring are here as are our parents. Time will tell. Anyway, I’ve gushed enough for today.

Seeking

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