hmph!!!

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So I watched Anderson Cooper today which was about a recent study that found that working mothers were happier than moms who stay home. Unfortunately, it devolved into the common “one is better than the other; one is greater/less than the other” discussions. Anyway, I decided to put my two cents in and here is my comment on the website for the show:

One thing that bothered me about the show is the seeming need the ladies have to cast judgement upon each other. I think everyone is doing what they feel works best for themselves and their families. As a SAH mom, I can understand the notion that women who work may feel happier because they are already used to taking time away from their kids to even get to work and get the kind of social and mental interaction that’s harder when you aren’t working. That said, I didn’t have my son until I was 39 and I am due to have another one in a few weeks. I’m 40 now. I worked and had tons of life experience prior to settling down the last couple of years and so don’t feel as much of a loss as I might had I had children sooner. My husband & I don’t want anyone else to raise our kids and that’s a personal choice. It’s what works for our family. It doesn’t hurt that we can afford to do this without sacrificing the type of quality of life that we want but we’d have found a way to do this regardless. The flip side is that I have tons of family and friends who either have to work or choose to. Happiness sometimes takes effort whether you work outside of the home or not. It shouldn’t be about judging or comparing. As a society, we need to be more supportive and respectful of other people’s choices for their lives. Especially as women. With all that is going on in the world around us, wouldn’t it be more beneficial if we looked to find ways to uplift each other and help create the kind of world environment that we want our kids to inherit rather than continue to look for ways to divide and create exactly what we are seeking to avoid? We are all in this together whether we want to be or not. Our kids are the future. If we can’t find ways to connect then the loneliness and sorrow that seems to abound for young people these days will only continue to grow as we model for them that it’s ok to sit back and point fingers & be divisive without understanding or compassion. The world humbles all of us. All. Of . Us.

As parents, we all make sacrifices. Hell, as people, we all make sacrifices in order to get through our days. Sometimes we make tough choices and, at the end of the day, we must live with the results that come from those choices. The vitality I felt as a woman prior to having kids and being out in the working world is different from the vitality I have/seek to have now. We must all find ways to balance who we are with what we do. Sometimes it’s easier than others, but I refuse to be defined by what other people think my life should or shouldn’t be, by who/whom other people think I ought to be. This is my journey, as everyone is the owner of their own personal journeys. No keys to my car for you. G’nite.

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3 responses »

  1. Hmmm…I think sometimes Mom’s are doing what’s best for them, not their child. Yes, a working Mom may be happier but is her child?

    • I agree w your comment about kids being happier w sahm’s but I also know how I feel with other people telling me how to raise my kid(s). And unfortunately I know too many moms who really don’t have a choice. We all reap what we sow, and the those moms sow w/ their kids which may suck but it’s their choice. Having said
      all the above, I think change is only possible if we all feel we can speak about it (even the bad) without feeling judged (though that may be our natural inclination).

  2. I just started a blog basically because of the very conundrum you all are discussing. I am a SAHM and I feel guilty because I’m not putting my college degree to use…and I miss working a little, too. I was a TV News Reporter and I hoped to go back part-time after I had my son. Well, in TV news, part-time just doesn’t cut it, so I chose to stay home. I don’t regret it for a second and I feel fortunate I was able to stay home, but at the same time, I feel guilty over not putting my college degree to use. That’s why I started a blog just a few days ago,…to connect with other women who face the same dilemmas. I think no matter what you do…go back to work or stay at home…you feel guilty and balance is so hard to find!

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